Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
time to smoke my breakfast
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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