apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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