toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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