I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
