Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
