I'm pants shitting drunk right now
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
