I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
