I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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