I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
