I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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