mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think i have herpe
just one?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
