i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
