the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
