McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
