That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We need to get me chipped asap
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
