dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
