I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
PANTIES FOUND
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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