loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
