I puked a lego.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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