Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
