THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
