he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
