just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
