Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
