Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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