It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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