No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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