Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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