So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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