dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
