Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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