OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
