I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
