God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
