From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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