Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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