i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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