I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's blow job season.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
