I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
