So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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