Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
