apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
