i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
