Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
