Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
