Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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