so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
