could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize