found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
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I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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