Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
