Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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