I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
