New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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