I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
