god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
