HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
