Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
they need to just BURY HIM!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
