spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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