respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
