y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
