cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
