so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
