i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
