you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
