I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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