okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
