i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
